By Carissa Seidel, Hospice of Havasu Bereavement Counselor
It is important to start this discussion by emphasizing that there is no “one size fits all” approach when it comes to handling our loved one’s possessions after death. Every family and each loss is different. These circumstances will impact the timing in which and how they choose to approach this task. Give yourself grace and remember that you are not doing something “wrong” if you are handling your situation differently than someone else. There are no two journeys in grief that will look exactly alike.
There is no question that this is one of the most painful tasks surrounding a loss but is also a necessary one. If we have suffered a loss, we will likely have to make decisions about what to do with our loved one’s belongings. Though it may not feel like it at the time, it can be a healing and, perhaps even, a positive experience. It can feel tempting and comforting to leave items just as they were left by your loved one but certain things may only serve as a painful reminder of the loss and the absence of the person we love. Consider that holding onto certain things may present a barrier to finding acceptance and peace. When you find yourself ready to begin sorting through items, consider the following ideas:
- Decide who you want to be present or if you would prefer to sort alone
- If family cannot be there, ask them if there are things they would like to keep
- Prioritize and plan: some things may have deadlines and those things should likely be done first. It can be helpful to sort by room, but decide what works best for you.
- Take your time and allow yourself to take breaks when you can.
- Place items into categories: keep, give away, sell, donate, throw away. If you are struggling with throwing things away, consider asking for someone else to help.
- For items that you’d like to keep but may not know what to do with, consider repurposing that item into something meaningful. Old shirts can be made into a memory bear or a quilt. Trinkets or jewelry can be made into holiday ornaments.
Lastly and, most importantly, whatever you decide to do during this process, has no bearing on the love and memory you hold for your loved one who has passed. This is something that will stay with you, in your heart, and not in the things that are left behind.